For a year and a half, I spent my time out in California,
living on a strict schedule, studying everyday for a couple of hours preparing
to teach and then spending the rest of my day teaching at every moment I could.
I met countless people everyday on the street and in their homes and I learned a lot about their individual
lives. It was an incredibly eye opening experience and it made me think about
what goals I wanted to make and how I wanted to live my own life.
I
saw people wasting away money in their homes worth over a million dollars and I
saw people struggling to survive on welfare. I saw families who appeared to
have everything together but who were completely falling apart at a closer look
and I also saw families working with their whole souls to piece their lives
back together. It was an experience that I would never take back and it rooted
itself in the depths of my soul.
It
was a stark contrast coming back to school in Provo, Utah where life is very
different from the culture of northern California. In a college town everyone’s
life is just beginning, including my own. I had so many questions running
through my head. What was most important to me? What was the most beneficial
way that I could use my knowledge and skills that I had acquired on my mission
and beforehand? Where was my time most wisely spent and how should I shape my
life? Those are big questions with a life laid out in front of you: spotless,
untouched and waiting to be molded.
I was overwhelmed with the choices
I had to make and doubting which steps to take. I wondered if my career choice
as an artist was the wisest option, or if it would be a waste of my
contribution to the world.
As I was worrying about all of these thoughts, I had an
experience that helped me to be more confident in making my decisions. I
happened to be at the Provo City Library, which I’ve only been to a few times
for school projects, other than that I rarely find a reason to go there. On
that particular day, my schedule had gotten all switched around and I found
myself with some extra time after printing out some map directions. I was
walking around and wound up in a room with an art exhibit. It was a show of
portraits of influential people who had helped shape the United States. People
like Jackie Robinson and Abraham Lincoln. Underneath each portrait there was a
quote from that person and as I came to Henry Ford, I stopped dead in my
tracks. “There
is no man living that can not do more than he thinks he can.” And again as I looked at the quote by Ralph Waldo
Emerson, “Don't
be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The
more experiments you make the better.”
I
felt peace in my heart that at that moment, for my situation, those words were
advice not only spoken by two influential people trying to help their fellow
men, but it was advice from my Heavenly Father straight to me. I realized that
all of the doubt and discouragement I had been feeling was blocking out my
faith. The gifts and opportunities I had been given hadn’t been a waste of time
or energy, but through cultivating them I could provide something worthwhile
and I didn’t need to be scared about moving forward.
The really cool thing about life,
is that everyone is different and we each have so much potential in our various
abilities. I don’t know the answer to every single concern or questions for
myself, let alone everyone else in the world, but I do know though that as we
each have our own questions, whatever they are, we can find the direction we
need because Heavenly Father cares about us and the worries that seem and are
so important to us in our little worlds.
P.S. that painting isn't finished but will be shortly for my art show coming up in a month!
